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Sitting at Mary's funeral, I was sure I would never feel like this again. But now I do, and I like it. My entire life has turned around in the past two weeks. I finally found someone who likes me for just me, and that makes me so happy. I was wary at first, but with the help of my two best friends here I realized that this was a good thing. I'm so happy that after all the sadness and pain I felt last month I'm finally okay, and in a good place.
Birthdays...
*TW: Suicide*
Five years ago today was my 17th birthday. Five years ago today I almost died. It's called rock bottom. I hit it, I hit it hard. Twelve pills and a razor blade later, I changed my mind, luckily just in time. Ever since the birthdays have been a strange thing for me. I no longer celebrate the day I was born, I celebrate the day I survived. Sometimes I run my fingers over the fading scars and remember that night in flashes. That night that I thought I had nothing left to live for, and then the brief moment I realized that I did. I will forever be grateful for the little voices I heard coming from downstairs, the little voices scr
It's been a long while...
since I've been around here, I guess. The passion hasn't struck in so long. I got too busy with life. I'm writing again, a sure sign I'm falling for boy, though, I refuse to admit that I might actually be to anyone but the deepest parts of myself and my best friend who might as well be an extension of myself. I don't like the feeling of falling, of being out of control. Especially when I know I'll never be in control of my emotions. I'm taking control of my actions at the very least. But, I refuse to fall to hard, I'm teetring on the edge, willing myself not to jump, or simply waiting for a strong wind to push me into the fall.
"Nothing safe
Wow.
Just wow. I really can't believe how much can change in a year. I went back and looked at some of my old writings. Was I really that childish last year? Just wow. It's incredible that I'm stuck in the same situation I was in last year, but with the roles reversed. The difference? I'm trying to be a decent person, unlike the other. I'm trying to hard to treat him kindly, but he makes it incredibly difficult. He drives me insane with his tactics to try to get me back. I'm trying to make it clear to him that it's not going to happen. We're over, and we're staying over. I'm talking to someone else now, and that's just so freeing. He's someone I'v
I can't wait.
So, I'm starting my 365 today rather than on Jan 1st.
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