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So, tonight was my senior luau, which at my school is the final dance of the year and is the senior send-off. It's finally hit me that I'm done. I have mixed feelings. On one hand I can't wait to get out of here, on the other, there's a lot of people I'm really gonna miss. I mustered up my courage and sang "Waking Up in Vegas" for karaoke, and thankfully it was realy crowd pleaser. But, most inportantly, it was fun, and mostly free of drama. It was actually the most fun I've ever had at a school dance.
But to the other part of my evening. For the people that have been following the stuff I've been writing about Maddie, here's the latest update. She just had her radioactive iodine treatment, which means I'm not allowed to be withing three feet of her. But here's the good part. She can walk!! Like this is a HUGE deal. It used to be that she could walk, but very shakily and needed to have support. She can now walk normally, and for long periods of time. I am SO happy, so incredibly happy that words can't even describe. I cried when she walked across the room. This is a huge turning point in her recovery, I am so happy <3
But to the other part of my evening. For the people that have been following the stuff I've been writing about Maddie, here's the latest update. She just had her radioactive iodine treatment, which means I'm not allowed to be withing three feet of her. But here's the good part. She can walk!! Like this is a HUGE deal. It used to be that she could walk, but very shakily and needed to have support. She can now walk normally, and for long periods of time. I am SO happy, so incredibly happy that words can't even describe. I cried when she walked across the room. This is a huge turning point in her recovery, I am so happy <3
Birthdays...
*TW: Suicide*
Five years ago today was my 17th birthday. Five years ago today I almost died. It's called rock bottom. I hit it, I hit it hard. Twelve pills and a razor blade later, I changed my mind, luckily just in time. Ever since the birthdays have been a strange thing for me. I no longer celebrate the day I was born, I celebrate the day I survived. Sometimes I run my fingers over the fading scars and remember that night in flashes. That night that I thought I had nothing left to live for, and then the brief moment I realized that I did. I will forever be grateful for the little voices I heard coming from downstairs, the little voices scr
It's been a long while...
since I've been around here, I guess. The passion hasn't struck in so long. I got too busy with life. I'm writing again, a sure sign I'm falling for boy, though, I refuse to admit that I might actually be to anyone but the deepest parts of myself and my best friend who might as well be an extension of myself. I don't like the feeling of falling, of being out of control. Especially when I know I'll never be in control of my emotions. I'm taking control of my actions at the very least. But, I refuse to fall to hard, I'm teetring on the edge, willing myself not to jump, or simply waiting for a strong wind to push me into the fall.
"Nothing safe
Wow.
Just wow. I really can't believe how much can change in a year. I went back and looked at some of my old writings. Was I really that childish last year? Just wow. It's incredible that I'm stuck in the same situation I was in last year, but with the roles reversed. The difference? I'm trying to be a decent person, unlike the other. I'm trying to hard to treat him kindly, but he makes it incredibly difficult. He drives me insane with his tactics to try to get me back. I'm trying to make it clear to him that it's not going to happen. We're over, and we're staying over. I'm talking to someone else now, and that's just so freeing. He's someone I'v
I can't wait.
So, I'm starting my 365 today rather than on Jan 1st.
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